Vertigo’s “shopping for a new pills with the dr day”

For my first post . I have no idea what to do or say. But today I have a message to share.

Since tomorow is a new day today I will remember what I’ve learned :My creativity has started to refloursih and I realized I was 5 months clean from anti-psychotics so I want to share my hopes for recovery because it’s getting better, I ha only been on for about 3.4 months until I started weaning off the garbage since alternative sleep /wake cycle was naturally developing inside me , my obsession with sleeping pills had once again blurred my belief that in order for me to sleep I needed to be “medicated” although my “ocd”started when I  abused “adhd” medication , I was just so sure I had ismonia and not recently , my “delusion” -false belief allowed me to share with everyone my sleep deprived repetitive night time battle with my ability to fall asleep would allow me to obviously gain access to “adhd “ meds . My addiction at 18 with Concerta blinded my logical thinking which would clearly explain that my concentration and agitation was (not )due to my “adhd” collection at home but explains my obvious psychological distress. In the high of my adction  in 2016. I finaly asked my dr. Although ther reaction was the same as always - a big smile while looking at my face then hands then paper and asking simply, if you can show me you are not taking “weed” on ur urine screaming next time illl give you some. At that point let me clarify that I had recently stopped my injections with( false) intentions of wanting to try something different. I wanted abilify . I knew once I asked she would finaly agree to take me off (whatever )it had been 9 months but that’s another post. My plan worked and as soon as I dint have the chance to “appreciate” i stopped taking it completely - I had taken once after a night shift while starting to talk to coffee pots around me by name. After I took the orange or greenish chemical I started feeling even more paranoid . An uncomfortable painful feeling like when you take too much of my illegal medication for my self diagnorsis of adhd while at the same time suffering from sleep deprivation (2 days up max or else I wouldn’t work). My experience with abilify before dint come as a surprise my dr had reminded me of the “therapeutical” effect such as slight agitation if taken in am or pm this was also her sale pitch for “shopping for a new pills with the dr day” it was also the only thing I really heard about it. So I dint bother, noting could be worst. At that point what was reality for me - work /friends/youtube was still overbearing my ability to fight back my silent , silenced cry for help after most monthly visits while I attempted to clarify how I could possibly have a chemical imbalance and how this had suddenly caused a second shoocker the next time I atempted to save my life by discontinuing a “drug” I was taking since I was for the first time suicidal .. with more on this later. My call to crisis line and to my bf had been heard by my parents. You se as I confided to him that I had stoped taking a medication I will name in its own post, I was desperately proving to him my loving unstoppable will to survive and my critical judgment while being obviously slowed and dumbed out “perma stoned” my instinct still warned me to stop, although everyone knew I was suffering - bed ridden -franctic phone calls- suicidal ideation complaints (before having no priors) I realized my cover was blown my folks over heard my secret from upstairs and while I know my mom must have found my bottle full or not empty. The next day I had a intervention at the dr. It involved a new “drug” new improved treatment plan. ( part of my suicide intervention  I asumed. ) And most of all my parents as a pair of cohersment tool. She looks a me with her big smile and looks back at her notes then me again. (oh yah I looking there too.but I neve caught her while she actualy took down notes ?) ( the computer was always using the calandar) so anyways it was now I remember March or April 2015. The year after my adventure in Florida. And also the following months of the official launch of the American fundraiser for a large mental health association in the US. 

1. This week I found out they had a objective as explained in the website for increase in funds (bulkshit) amounting to a new 2014 plan to implemented by ways of new medication& complete treatment - unpublished studys aproved . Anyways not only were they building new program called “Ontract” in America and Canada but now everyone would have more acces to support groups or website s and online non-profit mental health awareness (governmental )(bigphrama) supported programs for young adults who have been affected by a “psychosis” a word I won’t use again. I am gona finish by writing my final discovery. 
2. We were targeted since we are classified as a social age group which we all are in and that is insurancred . I know I read this and it will be posted soon. Or edited with a link (I think it’s American mental health  association ) So now I know (why ) it happened to me . That year. But that’s my shocking discoveries. the “articles” says.. goal by 2018 to achieve full budget funding  
3. #urbi-assed

January -13-2018

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-programs-see-increases-fy-2014-funding-1012-trillion-package-provides-relief not the same article as the the one I read.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1kEbZue3n5gYHsCTLtFQMc6feKKZbd1Hu Picture dint fit. I called it ‘ only what apears impossible is possible to imply’